JMMB Goal Getter Live Explores ‘What Women Want from Relationships?’
Women have been labelled ‘complex creatures’ by their male counterparts, and many men have been left dumbfounded by what seems like the age-old question, “What do women really want?” In fact, there have been many books, movies, late-night banters and even office discussions that have erupted, trying to find an answer to this ‘mystery’ for men. The JMMB Goal Getter episode last week, sought to provide some insight into addressing this topic, with the help of Terri-Karelle Reid, speaker and online brand strategist; Tami Chin Mitchell, entrepreneur and media personality; and Michelle O’Conner, JMMB Group’s manager, corporate planning, who kept it real as they shared honestly about what women really want from a man, in a relationship.
Admittedly, their views are their own, every woman has her preferences and pet peeves and so, at the end of the day, men will still have to navigate the peculiarities of his chosen mate, while taking clues from the discussion to give him a better understanding of the idiosyncrasies of the ’fairer sex’.
The leading ladies on set had these insights to share about what women want:
• Start with yourself: Tami Chin Mitchell challenged ladies to first examine themselves and have a keen sense of their worth and the best parts of themselves, before seeking a mate to complete them versus complement them. Admitting that her husband, entertainer, Wayne, reflects a lot of what she loves most about herself – laughter, confidence, consistency, honesty and stability. Michelle also outlined that, as women, “we have to position ourselves for good men to come into our lives.” She also implored women to be clear about what they want in a partner and remain positive about the prospects.
• Steady Carriage: Women want a relationship where they have peace and joy with their partner. Tami gave the analogy of a steady carriage navigating the potholes of life together, knowing that, in spite of the turmoil happening, you have the support of each other and not added stress from your partner.
• Substance over Hype/Type: The women dispelled the myth that women were fixated on physical attractiveness. Terri in expounding on the ideal man as, good looking, successful and rich, stating, “It depends on the phase and stage you are at (in life)…it comes down to her evolution (as a woman) along her journey and her experiences, and this will determine the kind of man that she wants.”
• Support: The passionate Reid underscored the value of having a partner who is interested in being a part of what you are doing, “just take the time to be supportive, because if it is important to me, is it is important to you,” she said. Highlighting that a woman wants a man that recognizes her greatness and “his objective is to enhance you and not to out your flame, (instead he fans it)…” She urged men not to be driven by their own ego and compete with their partners, alternately, support and uplift.
Misconceptions & Stereotypes
During the lively discussion, expertly led by Clyde Shaw, training and development manager at JMMB Group, the trio also sought to dispel and challenge stereotypes associated with both sexes in relationships. Among those broached were:
• “All women are gold diggers”: Terri also sought to outline that a distinction should be made between being a gold digger and wanting financial security, which is logical and a need for everyone. She also charged men to examine the approach they bring to the table in seeking to attract and impress women. Tami in giving further insight to this dynamic of women being labelled as gold diggers, noted that these mindsets and behaviours are learned, and it is possible to unlearn them. Terri and Tami agreed that mothers have a vital role to play in helping their children to develop balanced mindsets by: having healthy conversations, and helping their sons, especially, to both identify red flags and to examine how their potential partner treats with their own money.
• Independent women are not vulnerable: This is a common misconception that Reid notes can reveal insecurity in men, or just cause them to not be supportive of these type of women financial and otherwise. Terri advises men to embrace strong and independent women in a relationship by not trying to compete with them, but to instead observe for the ‘gaps’ to be filled in their lives, “It’s not always about buying flowers, or the fancy dinner; it is sometimes about meeting her needs in a mindful way (without being asked)." Tami in agreeing with Terri’s point shared that in understanding the ‘gaps to be filled’, it requires a clear understanding of how one’s partner receives and appreciates love. She gave kudos to Gary Chapman’s book, The Five Love Languages, as a good starting place to find a better understanding.
Role of a Man: provide, protect, please and perform
Iyanla Vanzant defined a man’s role with four ‘Ps’ – provide, protect, please, perform; though the discussion focused on the first three. Tami outlined that although men have been socialized to be provider, a man’s worth should never be measured by his ability to provide, especially financially; instead, emphasis should be placed on his character, even as she acknowledged that financial needs are real. Reid chimed in, outlining, “Provision includes, but goes beyond, finances…and it is more about filling in the gaps that exist in each other’s lives”. Tami cautioned that a one-dimensional view of provision can negatively impact men having healthy relationships with partners and others.
Michelle shared that a man’s role as a protector is not just confined to physical, but also to guard your image, and implored men to think of and treat their spouses as precious. “When you show your woman that I am here for you, I am going to be the person that is guarding you all the time, that goes far beyond what you look like, what is in your bank account, or anything else and your woman will stand by you.”
O’Connor also added that it is the simple things that a man does, in taking care of a woman, which helps to please her; therefore, pleasing your partner starts long before you enter the bedroom; and she in turn is happy to give herself to him.
The lively discussion also saw the women sharing other solid relationship pointers, such as, underscoring the importance of clear communication, while challenging individuals to reframe and examine their negative mindsets, in a bid to enjoy healthier, happier relationships and to set their own expectations based on the uniqueness of their relationships.
This episode is a part of a special month-long edition of the JMMB Goal Getter Live series dubbed, “All Man Talk,” which runs until the end of September. The series covers various topics that are important to men and features special guests, each Tuesday at 8:30 p.m., across JMMB Group’s social media platforms.